Welcome! I decided to begin a blog so that I can keep a journal of our life in Neuilly-sur-Seine-just across the river from Paris, in the “Oh So Posh suburb of Paris”, as it is described-they left out a few details about snooty people and dog poop littered sidewalks.
This is going to be real, raw and not sugar coated.Some of it will be a chronicle of what I am learning or what I have seen. It may not be deep. I may rant and I may not use correct grammar or punctuation. I am not a writer and don’t pretend to be one. If you want to read beautifully written, thoughtful, deeply spiritual blogs, I can suggest some for you. You won’t find it here. What you will find are the honest struggles of a woman who is often (okay, always) self-centered, seeks comfort, ease, spontaneity and fun and who has been forced into a life, for the next few years at least, for her own good, that is way out of her comfort zone ,by the One who loves her more than anything and knows her deepest need. My God. He brought not just me here, but our diminishing family of four (the other 3 have flown the coop) We know without a doubt that it was God’s plan for us to move to France, but what He will do in our lives remains to be seen. I hope I can be faithful to record the good, the bad and the ugly over the next few years.
The first four and a half months have not afforded me much time to journal about our lives, much less reflect. It has been filled with excitement, sadness, awe, naivete, fun, tears, frustration, wonder, exploring, frustration, loneliness, new friends, day trips, getting lost, turmoil, frustration, fear, anger, chaos, tears, frustration, joy, mishaps, despair, more tears, and hope-mostly in that order. I have experienced emotions that I don’t think I have ever encountered before, if that’s possible. We have experienced lows in our marriage and with our children that I never, ever thought possible for two people who have shared life for 28 years. I think I have cried more since August 19th, when we moved, than I did when both my parents died.
It hasn’t all been horrible. We have had fun on the weekends, seeing and doing new things. But, it has mostly been hard. Hard, like I have never experienced. If I could leave, I would-right now. That’s why this first post is titled: Do Over. I would like a Do Over of our last 4 1/2 months, please. Actually, maybe the post should be titled, “Starting Over” I would like to start over fresh, no bad experiences, no repeats of this past semester of 5th grade, no bus fights, flunked tests, multiple visits to the school counselor’s office, discouraging teacher conferences, tears, tantrums, lying, stealing, fighting, hating. It has truly been the worst school experience in my 24 years of parenting. So, we are starting over, but not really, because the scars are there. The experiences have already happened. There are consequences to many poor choices. There needs to be time. It will take time for this do over. I can’t do it. I am so poorly equipped to help my children through this impossibly difficult time. I need God’s help more than I ever have before, and guess what? I have it. He’s got my back. He always has and He always will. I will put my Hope in Him, but life still sucks big time.